Q.I’m a commuter and I’ve finally met some new friends on campus. The problem is, every time we go out to bars or parties, I’m automatically the designated driver. I can’t help but feel that people are using me for my car.

A.This is kind of a bummer, but you can get control over this situation. Keep in mind that your new friends might not even realize they’re taking advantage of you. Since they don’t have cars, they’re most likely thinking of themselves. And for them, the easiest way to get around is to have you drive. And since you’re there with them already, they don’t feel they’re asking you to go out of your way to take them somewhere. But their being oblivious still doesn’t make it fair for you to be their chauffeur. The next time you’re driving just say, “Hey guys, next week I’d really like to be able to let loose with you. Maybe we can take a taxi, or one of you could agree not to drink and you can drive us all back to campus.” If they’re receptive to it, you might even suggest rotating the driving duties (that is, if you’re comfortable with having other people drive your car) and taking turns being the designated driver. It might be a little scary bringing up the subject when you aren’t sure how your friends will react. But chances are they’ll totally understand and respect you for standing up for yourself. After all, if they were in your situation, they’d want to do the same, don’t you think?

Q.When I go to parties on campus, I hardly know anyone since I’m a commuter. So I like drink to loosen up. The problem is, then I have to drive home. I know this is bad but I don’t know what else I can do.

A.It’s always awkward to be in a social situation when you don’t know people. You feel self-conscious. Everyone’s looking at you like, “Who IS that?” Maybe drinking alcohol helps you relax and quiet that inner voice. But you don’t HAVE to turn to alcohol— if you psyche yourself up to meet people beforehand. Here’s an alternative loosening-up strategy:

1) Try to line up a wingman who’ll be at the party with you— someone other than the host, who won’t have time to hang out with you the whole time. Being with just one other person you know means you’ll be talking together—instead of nervously sipping beer by yourself.

2) Once you’re at the party, since you don’t want to be self-conscious about being emptyhanded, grab yourself one of those red cups everyone drinks beer out of, and fill it with soda or water.

3) Talk, don’t drink. Ask the person who invited you to introduce you to a few of their friends. Strike up a conversation with at least two of these new faces before the end of the night. Ask them about their major, where they’re from, whatever. Having an interesting conversation will distract you from the fact that you aren’t drinking like everyone else is. And you’ll realize that staying sober not only keeps you safe when you drive home, it helps you remember who you met so you can talk to them again at another party!

P.S. If anyone asks you why you aren’t drinking, see “How NOT to Drink When You Need to Drive Home.”

Q.I live at home with my parents and they’re still treating me like a kid. It’s totally stressing me out. Sometimes I feel like I just want to get drunk to escape my life.

A.It sucks when you’re trying to lead your own life and your parents still see you as their baby. But using alcohol to escape isn’t exactly the most mature way to deal with it. Consider this: since you live at home— the same as you always have— your parents don’t have a mental “switch” that’s made them change how they treat you. You need to explain to them how you feel. Bring it up anytime you’re alone with them— at the dinner table or in the car. Say, “Mom and Dad, I want to talk to you about something I’d like to try out.” Keep your voice calm— never get angry or the “discussion” will become the same kind of argument you had with them when you were 16. Tell them that you know you need to still live by their rules since you’re living in their house, but that you’d like to agree to change some of those rules, now that you’re in college. Maybe you don’t want them imposing a curfew anymore; offer to always call if you’re going to be any later than your curfew time used to be. If your gripe is that your mom constantly asks you if you’ve finished your homework, show her your calendar so she can see how organized you are. No matter what your issues are, remember that it’s on YOU to demonstrate to your parents that you deserve to be treated differently than you were before. Once you get them to see where you’re coming from and loosen up some of their rules, make sure you stick to your end of the bargain. Acting like an adult is truly the best way to get them to start seeing you as one. The sooner you have the talk, the sooner you’ll feel better about your home situation— and the sooner you’ll stop reaching for a drink to escape it.